Indecision

You kill me slowly with your absence.
Slow surrender sinks in
and I submerge myself in the cleansing water.
Washing myself anew,
washing you away.
I can't go under.
I don't want to lose you.
Every night, the demons visit me,
fine imitations but still a charade.
I know it's not you.
You would never do those things to me,
with me.
The things that leave me scarred inside and out.
It's better when you're gone.
It's better when you're here.
It's better when I'm nothing at all.