Cold

It's cold and I don't recognize anyone
including myself.
What's happening to me?
Once indifferent to this scene,
I thrive in it now,
the epitome of everything I don't want to believe in.
And now I desperately want this to be true.
Do I really belong to you
for eternity?
I'd give myself willingly if you'd let me,
you know that.
But then the standard line
about needing time
to think things through
and suddenly you remind me of how I got here in the first place.
And it's me who is doing the leaving tonight.
But where is there to go?
And now I'm alone without a home in this world,
empty inside
with nothing to say when you apologize
for finding a reason for me to be someone I never was in the first place.
And what is there to say?
The words are yours anyway,
I just parrot them back with a smile that's not real,
but I don't feel up to that right now.
I can't condemn myself to this life,
but I can't live without you either.
The ultimate conundrum, insurmountable.
So I shut up
and shut down
and shut everything out.
Where does that leave us?
Me here and you...not.
Exactly what I expected all along.